October update

In August, I officially lost my job. It really threw me off, but I also thought that while looking for a new one, I would focus on my health (I have systemic lupus and many other health issues) and on writing my third book.
The problem is that losing my job and my health completely drained my motivation. For the past few months, I’ve been living in a state of numbness and total lack of drive. I can barely force myself to load the dishwasher, let alone write a novel!

I try to make little checklists for myself, create some kind of action plan just to function as a human being. So that my children don’t see me lying in bed all day. I try not to watch the news because it depresses me even more. I try not to leave the house because I’m afraid of interacting with people. My condition has affected my appearance, so I have no self-confidence. Luckily, the weather has gotten bad enough that I can go out wearing a jacket and a hood! Long walks with my dog bring me a bit of peace.

In August, I started a TikTok account to promote my YA fantasy duology, Tabula Smaragdina, but I don’t want to show my face anymore. I have no strength or desire to create catchy content. I don’t want to take part in the social media attractiveness race... I feel trapped, because even though, theoretically, I’d have time for creative work, I’m completely burned out. I dreamed of becoming a writer, but I never wanted to be a marketer. And this stagnation depresses me even more. Because what’s the point of writing books no one reads?

I’ve been taking medication for a month now, clinging to hope that it will bring back my motivation and drive.

And even though I haven’t written a single word since September, at least I’ve rediscovered the joy of reading and can once again indulge in bookish escapism.